False Sense of Responsibility

The adversary tricks mothers' minds into believing that if something is going awry in their family (ex. kids fighting) that it is her fault. For those of us who have a certain personality type - the perfectionist - we become irritated, frustrated, angry and believe that we have to fix the situation by making our kids stop fighting, listen and obey us. If our kids stop and listen then we think we are succeeding, so we try until we are forcing and it's still not working thus we feel the guilt and continue being angry. This is the adversary's way of giving us a false sense of responsibility.
I was talking to my mother-in-law (who raised 11 children) and my brother-in-law who is a social worker and they both told me I was taking on a lot of guilt for my children's decisions. Children are going to make their own decisions.
I want peace, unity, and encouragement in my home but I need to unlearn this false sense of responsibility. This would enable me to stop internalizing my kids' arguments, responding in a desperate "I'm failing but I have to do SOMETHING" manner.

Release the obligation you've taken on. You are not the one grabbing a toy from your little sibling nor hitting another. You CAN be positive (shift the focus), be encouraging, teach principles, unify, be an example, serve.
You are held accountable for your actions. Certain child behavior is normal and it is sad that we feel pressure placed on us by others judgments and even comments. Those things are also ways that the adversary instills false beliefs. Think of the Savior and how no matter what others did around him or to him, he never tried to control them but was always in control of himself. To the woman whom he said, "go thy way and sin no more"; it was her choice what she would do and he was not accountable for her actions whether she listened or not.
I am not dismissing anything here. Imagine one parent approaching another showing obvious disappointment and speaking in an upsetting tone pointing out what their child has done wrong. Perhaps it is a parent-child exchange and the parent is reflecting in a like-manner to their child, demonstrating their disappointment. On the other hand, if a principle is reiterated in a loving and encouraging way, which approach is more conducive to a unified family and community?

We know eternal truths, we have our Heavenly Father's Spirit within us. The adversary presses upon us the false sense of responsibility that all are watching us and our children have to get it right NOW! Let the Savior calm the storm inside of you. They will get it. The true responsibility is that we lovingly teach our children correct principles. That we have faith in them, encourage them. Contribute to the bettering of ourselves and others, and if you do this, your children will unify themselves.