False Sense of Responsibility

The adversary tricks mothers' minds into believing that if something is going awry in their family (ex. kids fighting) that it is her fault. For those of us who have a certain personality type - the perfectionist - we become irritated, frustrated, angry and believe that we have to fix the situation by making our kids stop fighting, listen and obey us. If our kids stop and listen then we think we are succeeding, so we try until we are forcing and it's still not working thus we feel the guilt and continue being angry. This is the adversary's way of giving us a false sense of responsibility.
I was talking to my mother-in-law (who raised 11 children) and my brother-in-law who is a social worker and they both told me I was taking on a lot of guilt for my children's decisions. Children are going to make their own decisions.
I want peace, unity, and encouragement in my home but I need to unlearn this false sense of responsibility. This would enable me to stop internalizing my kids' arguments, responding in a desperate "I'm failing but I have to do SOMETHING" manner.

Release the obligation you've taken on. You are not the one grabbing a toy from your little sibling nor hitting another. You CAN be positive (shift the focus), be encouraging, teach principles, unify, be an example, serve.
You are held accountable for your actions. Certain child behavior is normal and it is sad that we feel pressure placed on us by others judgments and even comments. Those things are also ways that the adversary instills false beliefs. Think of the Savior and how no matter what others did around him or to him, he never tried to control them but was always in control of himself. To the woman whom he said, "go thy way and sin no more"; it was her choice what she would do and he was not accountable for her actions whether she listened or not.
I am not dismissing anything here. Imagine one parent approaching another showing obvious disappointment and speaking in an upsetting tone pointing out what their child has done wrong. Perhaps it is a parent-child exchange and the parent is reflecting in a like-manner to their child, demonstrating their disappointment. On the other hand, if a principle is reiterated in a loving and encouraging way, which approach is more conducive to a unified family and community?

We know eternal truths, we have our Heavenly Father's Spirit within us. The adversary presses upon us the false sense of responsibility that all are watching us and our children have to get it right NOW! Let the Savior calm the storm inside of you. They will get it. The true responsibility is that we lovingly teach our children correct principles. That we have faith in them, encourage them. Contribute to the bettering of ourselves and others, and if you do this, your children will unify themselves.

Like Our Father

I was kneeling down to pray tonight and thought about my little girl. I said, "Do you think our relationship would be better if I spent more one-on-one attention with her, really listening to all she has to talk about? Would all of my children be more obedient toward me if I strengthened each relationship that way rather than herding them around as a group?"

Then the epiphany came. That is the way our Heavenly Father does it; individually. He knows each one of us individually. He listens to all we have to say when we pray to Him.

I believe that when our children have those special times with us where they get to connect with us and really feel loved, they have an increased desire to please and obey us. This adds to family harmony and is another way for us to be like our Father in Heaven.

Do You Ever Just Snap?

I can hold it together pretty well through the chaos of Motherhood. I say chaos because there's so much work to do: kids to feed, shoes to put on, siblings arguing over a toy, unyielding laundry in the background, etc. I try to be organized, prepared with ideas, a few discipline tricks up my sleeve, and all with a smile because it's good to be positive. However, being human I get tired, hungry, sometimes in a hurry, and there's usually more than one thing happening at a time.

I absorb the back talk once, but the second time (after I've been calm and patient all day) causes me to snap! "Why do I get mad?", I ask myself. "Why didn't I just handle it the right way? I could have held my tongue."

Well here's an encouraging idea. There are storms in life that shake us up at times and the only one who can calm them is the Savior. My children even snap sometimes and it just makes me more upset. I asked myself, "What would help difuse the moment? What do I need?" Well, it's not advice, nor scolding. I would need someone to wrap their arms around me and whisper, "It's all right." To just hold me until the urgency and overwhelming sense of responsibility that I am feeling is released.

The scriptures teach us that, "A gentle answer turneth away wrath." When our children are having an off moment in the day that disrupts the family harmony, we should wrap our arms around them and calm the storm.

Get Them Moving

My kids are always trying to move the girls clothes from their room to the boys room so they can all share a room. Cute, but that's not why we bought a four-bedroom house; everybody needs their space. So I said, "Oh wow, you've cleaned up all the clothes already? Let's go check." "No, no!", they cried racing me up the stairs. So I asked them if they think they could clean it up in five minutes or if they needed ten minutes to clean it and they chose ten. "Alright", I said, "I'll set the timer. Let's see if you can beat it!" And they all ran upstairs for a fun little competition.